Thoughts: Some Days

Hello my fellow life voyagers,

Some days are good and other days are...well...

Some days you feel the motivation running, pumping through your veins and other days I can barely lift my arm to take a sip of my nine dollar wine.

Some days you are a social butterfly expanding your wings over brunches and mimosas and other days you wonder who you can text so you can talk to someone. 

Some days you crave the need to be at home, never leaving your sanctuary. Other days home seems like a prison.

Some days you have the confidence of John Carpenter winning a million dollars and other days you think about that embarrassing thing you said 10 years ago (you know what I'm talking about). 

Some days you know what you should do and other days you know what you should do..and proceed to not do it.

Some days you check every item off your to-do list and other day you watch the entire first season of a Netflix original series. 

It's called balance and while the other days are a pain in the butt, I believe that we can find value in those days. We can use those days to know how others feel when we are at a high and they are at a low. We can then empathize with them and offer some advice that we may have needed when we were in their shoes.

I believe that we need those days to make the good days feel good, like living-on-a-high good. I believe we need those -shitty, can't get out of bed, wish somebody would talk to me, I haven't been productive- days so that we can put into perspective how far we've come and most importantly, where we can be. Because we have, in fact, been there already.

Those great days are possible, we can make those days a constant in our life with tricks and tools. I know because I've done it. However...

I'm having one of those other days and let me tell you, it's days like today when I feel the human condition. The insecurities, over-thinking, and self-doubt that sets humans apart from other species.

So what do I do?

Just one thing. I either make my bed, do a work out, or in this case- write a short post. So when I look back on my day, I have at least one highlight to be proud of.

Is it easy? No. But as is the case many times: it's best to not think too much of it and just do it.

Forget about the consequences for just this one task of the day.



What's your one task? What can you do today that you would be proud of at the end of the day? We are sharing this same chapter of life together. We can live our best life one day at a time. Comment below and let's connect, I'd love to learn about you!

Words of the Post
Empathize: understand and share the feelings of others

Keep Looking Forward

Tonight, as I was brushing my teeth, these words kept coming into my mind.

Keep looking forward.

There was no antecedent behavior that triggered these thoughts, I was just brushing my teeth and letting thoughts come into my head. I don't know if you all have this problem, but when I allow thoughts to enter my brain it is rarely one or two thoughts. It is normally a mother-load of thoughts that comes rushing through. Talk about a head rush.


To be completely candid in this particular situation I was thinking of friendships. There have been times in my life where a person comes along and I see us forming a long-lasting friendship. Imagine my dismay when I no longer talk to this person after our initial meeting or we don't keep in touch.

Oh and it's not just friendships. Relationships? Am I being overlooked at work? When will I be my ideal weight? I'm sure you can think of many more examples.

Going back to my example, how do I go about this situation?

When we are in a state of pity we are quick to form negative, self-hurting statements. The first one,

1. Why don't they want to be my friend?  Do I not deserve to have friends? I want to feel connected with someone, I want to be loved.

Do you feel identified? Remove the word "friend" and replace it with another item or person that resonates with your life.

Do those words have meaning now?

Back to my teeth brushing experience of tonight. A second statement,

2. Keep looking forward.

Wow! What a difference in energy. Repeat the first statement- what happens when you say it? Try it. How do you feel? Do you feel good? How do you sound when you say it? Is it happiness or sadness and longing? Whatever you say in your head and whatever thoughts are within you is your reality.

Luckily, you have the choice to choose how your think about a situation.  That's powerful.

Thoughts on patience during inpatient times

This week, the topic of "patience" has come up in my life multiple times. Coincidence? I think not. With almost one month left until our wedding, finding patience was a daily struggle (until now).

It all started the moment I send out invitations. Yes, this has been going on for a while.

A few months ago, I eagerly sent out our wedding invitations to all of our loved ones. I couldn't wait until they told us they could make it to the most important day of our lives. We got back a few RSVP's right away from our closest friends who told us they wouldn't miss it for the world.

But then weeks and months went by and we hadn't heard from a lot of our invited guests. And now two weeks until the RSVP's are due, we have yet to hear from a decent amount of people.

Patience is a virtue. This I know. And I also know that I, among many other people, struggle with finding patience. This is why it is an art and it must be practiced.




If you follow my Instagram (@sandsoulandspirits) then you know I have posted several quotes from Joel S. Goldsmith. He is the author of a book I have been reading called The Art of Meditation. I have found so many insightful thoughts within its pages that I felt the need to share, hoping someone could benefit from it like me. Topics range from patience, to being in the present, to finding peace within yourself.




On a personal note, I had been reading this book quite slowly due to wedding planning and starting a new job. I was feeling frustrated about my lack of advancement because I am generally a very fast reader. Let me tell you, I am SO GLAD, that I did not read the book as quickly as I had wanted to.

Why?

I will share with you a tidbit of the book below. This segment helped me through the stresses of life and wedding planning. If I had read these pages months ago, it would have never resonated with me and I would not have stopped to reflect on the words and grow from them.

And this blog post wouldn't exist.

End of personal note...on to the quote.

"Most of us are unwilling to wait until the moment in which a decision is necessary; we insist on knowing the answer in advance, the day before, the week before, or the month before. We want to know what is around the corner; we want to know today what is going to happen next week or next month, and even what decision should be made for next year, instead of waiting until the actual moment when the decision is required..."

It had gotten to the point where I was asking guests if they could make it before the RSVP's were due. I just had to know! Deep inside, I knew that I feared having an empty wedding after all the time and effort I was putting into planning.

"We have acquired the habit of impatience and the result is that instead of waiting for God's decision to be made manifest, we let fear creep in and then, afraid of the possibly unfortunate effects of indecision, rush in and act on the basis of our own best human judgement"

Whether you are spiritual or not, you may have heard of the phenomenon "everything happens for a reason".  For me, if I have 50, 80, or +100 wedding guests, it doesn't stop the fact that I am marrying my best friend and celebrating the union of our families. Finding out whether or not someone can be in attendance to our wedding doesn't make us any less married. With impatience comes the fear of the unknown which in turn leads us to make choice which we may possible regret in the future. Rushing into something can have it's downfalls and consequences.

We get so caught up in this mindset of "I" that we forget to see the bigger picture. In the end, what is meant to happen will happen. Whatever is going on in your life right now can wait for when the moment comes, even if you don't think it can wait.



The way I see it is:

• I can worry about it, have sleepless nights, stress, and do everything in my power to find a solution now 
• Or be mindful and at peace

Either way, the end event/goal/objective will be exactly the same because what is meant to be, will be. The difference between the options above is that only one will cause you to have a mental breakdown. Trust me, I've been there and I choose peace.



I highly recommend taking the time to read Goldsmith's book. I have learned a lot about myself, both spiritually and mentally. I bought my book in a used book store, you never know where you will find hidden treasures! If you have liked what I have quoted from him in this post and in the past months, I have included a link below to the book on amazon (in case your local used book store doesn't have it in stock).

Did these quotes ease your mind on something? Do you think you'll read Goldsmith's book? How do you practice patience during those hard times? Leave a comment below for myself and other readers to reflect on!

Thoughts on getting your gallbladder removed

When I think about things to write about I usually get inspiration from things and events that have affected me personally. In late 2016 I started experiencing issues with my gallbladder (though I didn't know it at the time). I remember looking online to try and find someone who had similar symptoms and feelings as me and to my surprise I couldn't find much!

I want to take a few minutes to write about the process of

• Feeling something was up with my body
• The uncertainty of what was happening
• The pain that comes with gallbladder attacks 
• The choice of getting surgery to remove my gallbladder
• Life with no gallbladder

I'm not going to include any stats or information about the gallbladder and stones in itself because I found that information to be in abundance online. Gallbladder issues are quite common and there are certain aspects (such as ethnicity, age, lifestyle) that can create these problems.

So let's start from the very beginning. 
I began noticing a change in my body in mid 2016. By change I mean something that felt like acid reflex. I remember very vividly not being able to fall asleep one night due to this "acid reflex" and no amount of Toms would help.

Mind you, I've never had acid reflex before in my life. I had drank a lot of champagne fruit punch that night though (it was heavenly) so I didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to late 2016. At this point I had gone through a few "acid reflex attacks", as I called them, which consisted of slight uncomfort for approximately two hours and no remedy. The pain got to be pretty unbearable at one point that I thought about going to urgent care.

I should probably mention my pain threshold is pretty high.

The attacks only occurred at night and were pretty random at this point (more on this later). It wasn't until December 2016 when I found out these "acid reflex attacks" were actually "gallstone attacks" and finding out wasn't fun at all.

The day it went down.
I was traveling in Hawaii when I got one of these attacks. TMI (too much information) to follow: It was late and the usual pain was happening, the only difference was this time, I was throwing up. 7 times to be exact...yes, I was counting.

The pain got to be so much that I went to urgent care. I was crouched over the entire ride there and time seemed to stop!! I don't even think I am over exaggerating this you guys, it was that bad.

Long story short, I got there and waited maybe 5 minutes before I was attended to. I must have looked terrible as I was attended to pretty quickly and got tests done. My nurse gave me some morphine and it seemed to work as I was feeling better than ever! The doctor informed me I had a gallstone and prescribed me two medicines: one for pain and one for nausea.

Now, fast forward to June 2017. I had been dealing with gallstone pains on average once a month. This was pretty consistent and to this day I am shocked at how the body seems to move in cycles. The process was always the same: Start feeling pain, take my pain medication, feel sleepy, fall asleep. A couple of times the pain was so bad I had to take two pills.

One beautiful day in June 2017 I ran the Bryce Canyon Half-Marathon in Utah. That night I experienced pain so intense that persisted even after taking two pills, which was the most I could take. This was the last straw and I decided I could no longer go on like this. I later found out dehydration can cause gallbladder attacks (that would have been good to know).

So I went through the next process:  

Removing the gallbladder.
This basically consisted of:

1. Getting more tests done. At this point I found out I had TWO gallstones now. I grew a whole other gallstone in 6 months! This is bewildering and slightly gross to me.
2. Getting an endoscopy test (and asking for Cafe Rio while being high on anesthesia)
3. Getting the gallbladder removed at the hospital.
4. Recovering 

The removal is fairly easy and painless. I was extremely nervous as I had never undergone surgery before. Luckily, I scheduled a super early appointment so I was half asleep when I was being prepped and I was equipped with a stress relieving, heart rate decreasing piano playlist on Spotify (Music Therapy Win).

Here is my recollection of the surgery: Being asked to take my earrings off (and being scared of my newer piercings closing up), being wheeled to the surgery room, being put on anesthesia, breathing, and literally 3 seconds of consciousness.

Next thing I knew, I was being woken up and being told everything went fine! And then I went back to sleep. And then I was woken up again and checked up on. Basically this went on for a while.

You can leave a few hours after the surgery but in my case, I did not want to wake up so we stayed in a hospital until the afternoon (no joke). My poor mother and brother were with me the entire time while I slept. Completely pain free, just sleepy.

Recovery.
Let's talk about the recovery.

I believe they ask me to refrain from strenuous activity and lifting for 2 weeks and I was expected to do minimal walking for a couple of days after surgery. I would do some laps around the kitchen and then return to my nest on the couch to watch Netflix. Not much of a lifestyle change for me.  

Everybody is different and I've heard of people who return to work withing a few days. My doctor even told me of a patient he had who got on a cruise the next day! I'm not sure if any of this is reassuring or comforting to you. I had the best time being pampered by my family!

The toughest part about the entire recovery was removing the tape they put on my stitches. I realized that I was being a big baby about it though when I went to my check-up with the doctor and he ripped them off without harming me. I repeat: I was a big baby.

Concerns.
I will mention the concerns I had during the entirety of this process. This may seem trivial to most but my biggest concern were the scars. I don't know why as I rarely walk around without a shirt on.

The surgeon made 4 incisions on my body, 3 on my torso and 1 in my belly button. They are the tiniest of incisions and are kind of cute to me now. Speaking honestly, I barely notice my scars and am proud of them. They are a part of who I am.

My other concern was how my body would react without a gallbladder. And this, my friends, is what I continue to struggle with even to this day. It has been 1 year and 3 months since my surgery and my digestion is no longer the same. Does it cause me problems? Yes. Do I get frustrated my stomach isn't as sturdy as it used to be? Yes. Do I miss having gallstone attacks and being rushed to urgent care?No.

So do the surgery. Get your gallbladder removed. No amount of digestion problems is worth the pain. At least not for me. 




Looking back on this blog post, it is pretty long. If you are reading this (and read the entire thing) THANKS! I want this blog to be a resource for people so if you had to get anything from this post here is what I would hope you learned:

• Dehydration can cause gallstone attacks. Think twice about running a half-marathon.
• Go to the doctor early on. The doctor can give you some medication so attacks may be slightly more tolerable. 
• Scars are history to your body. No shame!
• Everybody's body reacts differently. Some watch Netflix for weeks, some go back to work, while others take cruises. Just listen to your doctors recommendations. 
• Do what is best for you. If your gallstone attacks are not bad OR you don't have any don't feel pressured into getting surgery to remove your gallbladder. I do know that some attacks may be a risk to your health and then you have to have emergency gallbladder removal. 
• Be aware of timing. When I started my journey with my gallstone (which I named Gullum), I began with one stone. By the time of the gallbladder removal I had two stones! I suggest getting the procedure done before your whole gallbladder is filled with Gollums. 

Are you thinking of getting your gallbladder out? Or have you had the surgery? How has life changed for you since the procedure? Did you have similar experiences as me? I would love to hear about it in the comment section below! Thank you for reading this blog post! I hope you found some useful information! 

If you found this information useful, would you mind sharing to to someone who could also find it useful? Thanks!

Thoughts on putting yourself in the right situation

So part of this blog is putting together a collection of thoughts about various things, primarily self probing and exploring various thoughts. This is why mindfulness is a big deal for me and many others. We really get so caught up in endless thoughts that in a way seem to spiral out of control! And I understand that not everyone is this way. This is something else I am learning, not everyone thinks like me.

The inspiration for this particular post came from finding myself in a situation in which I felt uncomfortable. I will be vague because as you can imagine, it is not easy to share ones deepest thoughts so easily. This wasn't necessarily a bad situation...it would look like an everyday normal experience for most people, but what matters is that I felt uncomfortable. So the big question is: how can you make sure you are making the right decisions or in this case, putting yourself in the best situation for yourself?

Looking back at what I would have done differently, I can safely say there are a couple things I could have done to avoid the situation completely and therefore ridden myself of any uncomfortable feelings. But you know what? Life is not about avoiding the uncomfortable. If you did, you would not be able to grow. Growing comes from discomfort.

So before deviating from my original idea too much, here is what I would have done to put myself in the right situation.

1. Acknowledging and validating my feelings
2. Being honest

1. Acknowledging and validating my feelings 
I knew from the start that the situation in which I would find myself in would make me uncomfortable. Think of roller coasters...you build up the anxiety/excitement/adrenaline during the cue and by the time you are in the roller coaster you are ready to let it out. That is how I felt only I wasn't cuing a theme park ride that I knew would be over in a couple of minutes.

I knew from the start that the situation would make me uncomfortable, awkward, and decrease my self-esteem. These are not positive feelings and having that sense of introspection is a big deal. So where did I go wrong? I didn't know how to get out of the situation, which leads me to...

2. Being honest
I am pretty transparent and I feel a sense of trust from other's who are true to themselves and respect even their flaws. I wanted to come clean to my friend about the anxiety that the situation would give me.

This is hard to do.

It is hard to let someone see who you are and what your biggest fears are. It is hard to say your insecurities out loud. It is hard to be open with someone and trust them when you may not have that trust.


So what do you do when your resources are used up and you have no choice but to face the situation? You cope. This is, to me, how you grow in life. From being put in those situations you don't want to be in but growing stronger from them.

In my particular situation, I found myself being proactive while feeling anxious and practiced a few strategies I have learned in the past to help me with my feelings. Those strategies are:

1. Using logic
2. Positive affirmations
3. Breathing

1. Using logic
I am in no way the perfect advocate for logical thoughts. I am emotions driven and think with my heart not my head. But I have learned this about myself so when the situation arises I can turn on some premeditated logical thoughts and talk these through my head when things go out of control. Examples of this are "there is nothing wrong with you", "you know this is how you feel around this person", "believe you are great", you get the idea. This goes hand in hand with strategy number two.

2. Positive affirmation
Positive affirmations are more powerful than we think. It can rewire the way we think but it takes time and patience. So I would take a premeditated thought and repeat it over and over again. Kind of like meditation. Not only is this helpful to increase those negative self-esteem thoughts that creep into my head, it grounds me when I am physically somewhere I don't want to be.

3. Breathing 
THE MOST important strategy by far. Breathing is the start and the end. By visualizing my breath, my focus is now inward and not on external factors such as other people and what their thoughts may be. My breathing practice goes something like this: Breath in slowly for about 4 seconds, hold for a 2-3 seconds, and slowly (and quietly) let it all out. I do this subtly and I've never had anyone notice me working on my breathing before.


At the end of this experience had I wish I hadn't been in the situation at all? Yes
But am I glad I went through it so I can look back and be thankful for the growth that happened? YES!

The moral of the story is to listen to your feelings and make smart decisions. You know yourself best and if you have an iffy feelings about something, there's a reason for it. Above all remember that you have one hundred percent control of your life and no one or thing can put value on yourself. However, if you do find yourself in those situations (it happens) that cause you stress and anxiety, look for ways to grow from it.


Can you think of a situation in which you were forced to do something you didn't want to? Did you feel uncomfortable and unworthy? What did you do to cope that other's can learn from? Thank you for reading a collection of my thoughts.

PLAYLIST FOR A CLOUDY DAY