Thoughts on putting yourself in the right situation

So part of this blog is putting together a collection of thoughts about various things, primarily self probing and exploring various thoughts. This is why mindfulness is a big deal for me and many others. We really get so caught up in endless thoughts that in a way seem to spiral out of control! And I understand that not everyone is this way. This is something else I am learning, not everyone thinks like me.

The inspiration for this particular post came from finding myself in a situation in which I felt uncomfortable. I will be vague because as you can imagine, it is not easy to share ones deepest thoughts so easily. This wasn't necessarily a bad situation...it would look like an everyday normal experience for most people, but what matters is that I felt uncomfortable. So the big question is: how can you make sure you are making the right decisions or in this case, putting yourself in the best situation for yourself?

Looking back at what I would have done differently, I can safely say there are a couple things I could have done to avoid the situation completely and therefore ridden myself of any uncomfortable feelings. But you know what? Life is not about avoiding the uncomfortable. If you did, you would not be able to grow. Growing comes from discomfort.

So before deviating from my original idea too much, here is what I would have done to put myself in the right situation.

1. Acknowledging and validating my feelings
2. Being honest

1. Acknowledging and validating my feelings 
I knew from the start that the situation in which I would find myself in would make me uncomfortable. Think of roller coasters...you build up the anxiety/excitement/adrenaline during the cue and by the time you are in the roller coaster you are ready to let it out. That is how I felt only I wasn't cuing a theme park ride that I knew would be over in a couple of minutes.

I knew from the start that the situation would make me uncomfortable, awkward, and decrease my self-esteem. These are not positive feelings and having that sense of introspection is a big deal. So where did I go wrong? I didn't know how to get out of the situation, which leads me to...

2. Being honest
I am pretty transparent and I feel a sense of trust from other's who are true to themselves and respect even their flaws. I wanted to come clean to my friend about the anxiety that the situation would give me.

This is hard to do.

It is hard to let someone see who you are and what your biggest fears are. It is hard to say your insecurities out loud. It is hard to be open with someone and trust them when you may not have that trust.


So what do you do when your resources are used up and you have no choice but to face the situation? You cope. This is, to me, how you grow in life. From being put in those situations you don't want to be in but growing stronger from them.

In my particular situation, I found myself being proactive while feeling anxious and practiced a few strategies I have learned in the past to help me with my feelings. Those strategies are:

1. Using logic
2. Positive affirmations
3. Breathing

1. Using logic
I am in no way the perfect advocate for logical thoughts. I am emotions driven and think with my heart not my head. But I have learned this about myself so when the situation arises I can turn on some premeditated logical thoughts and talk these through my head when things go out of control. Examples of this are "there is nothing wrong with you", "you know this is how you feel around this person", "believe you are great", you get the idea. This goes hand in hand with strategy number two.

2. Positive affirmation
Positive affirmations are more powerful than we think. It can rewire the way we think but it takes time and patience. So I would take a premeditated thought and repeat it over and over again. Kind of like meditation. Not only is this helpful to increase those negative self-esteem thoughts that creep into my head, it grounds me when I am physically somewhere I don't want to be.

3. Breathing 
THE MOST important strategy by far. Breathing is the start and the end. By visualizing my breath, my focus is now inward and not on external factors such as other people and what their thoughts may be. My breathing practice goes something like this: Breath in slowly for about 4 seconds, hold for a 2-3 seconds, and slowly (and quietly) let it all out. I do this subtly and I've never had anyone notice me working on my breathing before.


At the end of this experience had I wish I hadn't been in the situation at all? Yes
But am I glad I went through it so I can look back and be thankful for the growth that happened? YES!

The moral of the story is to listen to your feelings and make smart decisions. You know yourself best and if you have an iffy feelings about something, there's a reason for it. Above all remember that you have one hundred percent control of your life and no one or thing can put value on yourself. However, if you do find yourself in those situations (it happens) that cause you stress and anxiety, look for ways to grow from it.


Can you think of a situation in which you were forced to do something you didn't want to? Did you feel uncomfortable and unworthy? What did you do to cope that other's can learn from? Thank you for reading a collection of my thoughts.