Keep Looking Forward

Tonight, as I was brushing my teeth, these words kept coming into my mind.

Keep looking forward.

There was no antecedent behavior that triggered these thoughts, I was just brushing my teeth and letting thoughts come into my head. I don't know if you all have this problem, but when I allow thoughts to enter my brain it is rarely one or two thoughts. It is normally a mother-load of thoughts that comes rushing through. Talk about a head rush.


To be completely candid in this particular situation I was thinking of friendships. There have been times in my life where a person comes along and I see us forming a long-lasting friendship. Imagine my dismay when I no longer talk to this person after our initial meeting or we don't keep in touch.

Oh and it's not just friendships. Relationships? Am I being overlooked at work? When will I be my ideal weight? I'm sure you can think of many more examples.

Going back to my example, how do I go about this situation?

When we are in a state of pity we are quick to form negative, self-hurting statements. The first one,

1. Why don't they want to be my friend?  Do I not deserve to have friends? I want to feel connected with someone, I want to be loved.

Do you feel identified? Remove the word "friend" and replace it with another item or person that resonates with your life.

Do those words have meaning now?

Back to my teeth brushing experience of tonight. A second statement,

2. Keep looking forward.

Wow! What a difference in energy. Repeat the first statement- what happens when you say it? Try it. How do you feel? Do you feel good? How do you sound when you say it? Is it happiness or sadness and longing? Whatever you say in your head and whatever thoughts are within you is your reality.

Luckily, you have the choice to choose how your think about a situation.  That's powerful.




What does the first mindset mean?

I feel confident saying I know a lot about this mindset. Thoughts like this surrounded my mind throughout college until just last summer. Let me tell you something about this train of thought: it is shitty. Let's take a closer look as we analyze the first statement.

• It is self-depleting.

Listen, you talk about wanting to be loved so why don't you start with yourself? You're the closest person to you. Win yourself over and everyone else will follow.

Not only do people not want to be around people that are negative on themselves, some aspect of your life is probably reflecting your thoughts in a negative way.

• It is egocentric. 

"Me, me, me"- talk about having an ego. The first statement is self-centered. It's all about me, what I don't have, and what I want. With this mindset, you will never be happy.

Many people have difficult situations in their lives. The difference between their state of mind and yours is that you consider yours problems that affect you. Other's may see their situations as a challenge or a part of life they embrace and do the best with.

• You are placing weight and value on another person's actions. 

What things in your life can you control? Your thoughts, your actions, your words. Notice I didn't say what people in your life can you control? It's because you can't! So why give them the power to affect your happiness?


While the above points are brief I hope they paint an idea of why the first statement is not in your benefit. I understand we all don't think the same, but in my experience I have found honesty to help. Someone to tell me how it is and how it is perceived. I could write more on each topic however, I would like to focus on this newly found (for me) mantra. Statement number two:

• Keep Looking Forward.

The idea behind this statement is to keep your thoughts aligned to the next opportunity. When we focus on what went wrong and why we are not getting what we want, we don't give ourselves the time to think about what else is available to us.

Imagine a tall glass of water. The water that is your thoughts is filled up to the rim, there is no room for opportunity unless you take out the negative-thought water. And by take out, I mean DUMP, because why not be all positive-thought water.

This statement is short and to the point. I have found this type of statement to be helpful in times of distress because I can repeat them over and over again until I feel in a better state.

Here's an example of this thought:

I am going to reach out to various meet-ups and add social events to my calendar. By doing this I am giving myself the opportunity to meet new people. Instead of thinking about what went wrong in previous relationships and personalizing it, I will be proactive and create opportunities for myself to get what I am looking for. 

I have a better chance of making friends by putting myself in situations where there are people to connect with than by thinking about past scenarios. Not only am I sitting at home by myself, I am contributing negative-thought water into my self-depleting cup which will not attract friends by any means.

Something that has helped me immensely is realizing that I am not the only one with these thought patterns. It is actually way more common than we think, we are just too ashamed to let others know they are not alone.

If my words resonated with you or you have anything to share, please leave a comment below! Let me know who you are, what brought you here. I believe we are all in this together- life is not a competition. 

Thanks for stopping by!



*disclaimer: I realize I made up a few terms along the way of this post. I think I'll use negative and positive-thought water more often!